When discussing sexuality, this is the area where I see the least amount of authenticity. Men and women unable to ask for what pleases them because they are afraid of judgement or of violating some of society’s rules. I have seen this both ways. I mean how many women have I seen shame men because a man likes nipple play?
So a few thoughts and a plug. If you want to get coaching around relationships, dating or are interested in exploring various parts of your sexuality either as a single person or couple go to Afimidys. She just launched her services and when I say she is a no-judgement zone, she is.
First, if you have hurt, shame, trauma, etc around dating and sexuality – get you to a therapist. I have no trouble admitting that I still see a therapist, but one of the major triggers in my life was I was making, and more importantly accepting poor choices in men. In fact, I believe everybody should have at least a tune-up with an objective professional at least a couple of times a year.
Second, consent and permission are required and should be fully practiced. I am of a mind that what happens between consenting adults is fully acceptable even if I personally wouldn’t participate in that activity. I also believe that consent and permission can change and should be proactively and regularly validated.
Third, stop shaming people for their sexual choices. I am absolutely a NO judgement zone here. I recognize my choices should never be dictated on someone else for what they need to live THEIR best life while I am trying to live mine. While this deserves its own post, people frequently make assumptions about me, about sexuality liberated women and men simply based their own hangups around sex and sexuality. Being authentically yourself means that you know and understand ALL of you and feeling comfortable exploring and accepting what pleases you.
Fourth, stop making assumptions on things because you watched a “reality” show on the Discovery channel. For example, understand the numerous variants of polyamory for example. Insecure should NOT be your only understanding of an open relationship. Do you know there are different kinds of monogamy? Understand that kink and the different levels therein are all relative. Stop looking at some meme on IG and thinking you understand what it means to be submissive. Please actually do the research. If you want to know more about ANYTHING inbox me. I have PLENTY of friends who will talk to you about everything from vanilla to the difference between voyeurism to sexually dancing within a monogamous relationship to BDSM and everything in between.