All she was looking for was a good time definitely not a relationship or to feel anything more than – “That was fun. See ya.” She was the girl guys had always described as being like a man when it came to sex and love with a profound ability to separate the two. She actually had a FWB tell her “Look, I’m going to have to stop, because I’m starting to fall for you.”
She met him because of a friend who had dared her to place an ad online. She was never able to resist a dare. His response was among a myriad of replies she received. Some funny, some disgusting and only less than a handful worth a follow up. He had in his favor height and a quick response, but his instant messaging convo made her think maybe he wasn’t for her. If it wasn’t for her feeling naughty, she probably would have never spoken to him again.
“You would let your kids, your sons, sleep over Michael Jackson’s house?!?!?!” She asked incredulously. She wanted to meet him in person at the very least because nothing turned her on more than a spirited debate with someone who could match wits with her intellectually.
When she opened the door, her first thought was that he looked nothing like his pictures. He was tall, thin and skin the color of a good crème bruleé crust. He was appropriately enough wearing a “Love Stinks” t-shirt.
They laid on the bed and she wondered how they would start getting to all of the stuff they talked about on the phone. Her pussy was on fire and her nipples were aching. He leaned in and kissed her using one hand to tilt her chin up and another to reach under her t-shirt. He tongue was nice and his lips were soft. As his fingers played with her nipples, she felt her pussy soaking and she couldn’t wait to feel him inside her. He pulled out his dick and it looked like a Sugar Daddy, big, caramel and like she wanted to suck on it. She switched to sitting on top of his face and felt his tongue on her clit. She came all over his facial hair, sucking on his dick with a ferociousness that he responded to by inserting a finger in her pussy. She kissed him deep, loving the taste of herself from him. He flipped her over and gave it to her just how she liked it.
She hadn’t planned on emailing him after that. She thought it would be just a one time thing, and when he asked her to email him, she automatically responded yes, but had no intention of doing so. But, she found herself in front of her computer asking him what he was doing the next week.
The next week went by in a blur. They went to dinner, they hung out, but they were still kickin’ it. It wasn’t anything serious. Cool.
The week after that was the same. She enjoyed his company, she enjoyed the orgasms and went home every weekend like it was no thing.
But in that third week – something changed. They laughed without abandon over some silly racist commercial and all of a sudden, she wanted to impress him. She felt inspired to write poetry and erotica. She was writing erotica thinking about running ice along his body. Thinking of him naked in a shower, water dripping down his back over his dick while his hands soaped up her pussy. Thinking of him using toys on her. Thinking of sex in a bathroom at a restaurant. Thinking of her bent over against the hood of his car in the hotel parking lot and him behind her.
Naw, this just had to be infatuation right? She went out with other dudes just to give her some distractions, but it wasn’t working. What the hell? She wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything serious. The timing was more than just bad. It was horrible. She was just starting to enjoy her new house and freedom!
Naw, it wasn’t happening. She had to put a stop to it. He was so not what she expected – he was American, he didn’t like trying new things, he didn’t express any passion, had road rage, didn’t like the beach, didn’t like arguing or having a good debate. He didn’t even have a passport!!!
Naw, this couldn’t be happening. Yeah, relationships for her had always been intense quickly. Determining that “yeah, we want to be together, so let’s do this.”
But this was different. She finally understood the sonnet that was the inspiration for 10 Things I Hate About You, the cheesy teen movie she secretly loved.
Sonnet 141 by William Shakespeare
In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But ’tis my heart that loves what they despise,
Who, in despite of view, is pleas’d to dote.
Nor are mine ears with thy tongue’s tune delighted;
Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone.
Nor taste nor smell desire to be invited
To any sensual feast with thee alone:
But my five wits nor my five senses can
Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,
Who leaves unsway’d the likeness of a man,
Thy proud heart’s slave and vassal wretch to be:
Only my plague thus far I count my gain,
That she that makes me sin awards me pain
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But ’tis my heart that loves what they despise,
Who, in despite of view, is pleas’d to dote.
Nor are mine ears with thy tongue’s tune delighted;
Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone.
Nor taste nor smell desire to be invited
To any sensual feast with thee alone:
But my five wits nor my five senses can
Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,
Who leaves unsway’d the likeness of a man,
Thy proud heart’s slave and vassal wretch to be:
Only my plague thus far I count my gain,
That she that makes me sin awards me pain
She hated his unwillingness to try something new. She hated how he didn’t show passion for anything, especially her. She hated how she felt like a stalker every time she emailed him. She hated his unwillingness to share his secrets with her. She hated how he didn’t like to kiss and how he didn’t like to touch or be touched. She hated how he wasn’t anything like what she thought she wanted. And she hated how felt like she could be herself around him. Her complete self. Her quirky self. Her weird self. Her self that likes bluegrass and crunk. Herself that is always analyzing every little thing. Her loud self that frightened lesser men. She hated that she wanted curl up in his arms and cry and hear him say baby it’s ok. She hated how she wanted to light candles and whisper poetry in his ear. She fucking hated how much she cared for him.
She knew that he was quirky too, but hadn’t come to terms with his weirdness and his unusualness. And that he didn’t embrace it yet. But she loved him even more for that.
Her response was fear, debilitating fear. Even more fear then she felt when she jumped off that cliff. This can’t be happening and how could she make it stop? Fear that even made her too scared to ask him how he felt about her.
But she did know. He told her on that first night – Love Stinks
Wandering & Wondering 