poetictigress
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You never knew tears fell behind the wall Maybe you thought that because I was asking about you and remembering all the details of your life Listening Letting you find solace in me You were so wrapped up in my ability to make you comfortable that you thought that I was okay But I suffered
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Never was I into masochism Pain was never my thing Except With you, I had what Merriam Webster so eloquently calls “a taste for suffering” and my suffering must be seasoned with Lawry’s because it feels so damn good and I couldn’t stop partaking of its bitterness Because my imagination kept flagellating itself with pictures
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For years you loved her An internal vision of perfection You felt her You saw her You knew the curve of the finger she would touch your hand with She was the one you imagined and measured every contender against Until me And the glitter of my gift wrap warped her image I was taller, rounder,
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His looks made me pause, but his mouth held my attention Talking…Teaching…Telling With clarity and intention He approached There was no hesitation as he assured “I want you; unlock” And I tumbled into submission – by choice and full awareness Made it clear my care matched his and let my zephyrs help us renew Today I crawl
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He stole it. His photographer’s eye watching my face for every shade while his musician fingers played sonatas under the privacy of the table. Every time I got close he pulled back “No. It belongs to me now.” And paused his manipulations until I was almost back to thinking in coherent sentences. He milked my
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I paused the first time I saw one of your photographs scrolling through my feed and found myself involuntarily gripping my lips together. What I saw reached a place inside of me only accesible by a ladder of vulnerability. I realized I was viewing the visual representation of what I wanted my poetry to be. I found
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I made you too uncomfortable. To many questions beyond your comprehension “How can I support you?” “What do you need in a relationship?” “What does honesty mean to you?” My third eye inquisitive and recognizing frightened you with its accuracy You never knew if you could measure up to the man I saw in you
Wandering & Wondering 